Despite it being so ubiquitous, it’s hard to talk about. My family and friends outside of work groan when it comes up and seem a little freaked out that I use AI every day. However, when I talk about any concerns about using AI for code, then my professional peers think that I’m afraid of it (their word, consistently, from multiple people). Both of these reactions are filled with a funny mix of offense and pity.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Some of my software engineer friends have told me privately that they share my concerns, but in team settings they only talk about the upsides. We can talk publicly about perceived speed gains, but the loss of morale and worries about work quality stay private.

The public discourse seems similarly polarized.

When I hear from business leaders in podcasts and LinkedIn, there’s so much excitement. There’s a huge focus on the wealth and prosperity that AI could generate. There are even ideas about how to direct the benefits beyond the business owners themselves. This ranges from more affordable living to more equal incomes to some amazing possibilities that AI could solve climate disasters and cure diseases. That paints a future where AI could actually save us from human-created problems that we have not been able to solve and that keep getting worse with our current approaches.

When I listen to cultural leaders on TV and social media it’s all doomsday. AI and its owners take the work of honest writers and artists without compensation, instead routing the new wealth to a handful of people, further accelerating an already problematic class gap. Students can’t or won’t do their own work, humans can’t tell the difference between real events and AI fabrications, and the misinformation campaigns that were already problems under social media just get easier and faster and broader. If the AI doesn’t kill us from laziness and ignorance, it might literally kill us, either because it gets more powerful and intelligent than we can control, or because human leaders intentionally give AI control of weapons so we can kill each other more effectively.

All of those futures from both the doom and hype crowds are possible, and none of them are certain. We don’t know how this is going to shake out, but the stakes are high. AI could make the difference between saving ourselves from already-existential threats or ending humanity on its own. We have a problem, but the technology itself is just the tip above the water.

Why is it so hard to stay open-minded and genuine in conversations about this? It seems like AI is just becoming another taboo conversation topic like politics and religion: guaranteed to ruin your Thanksgiving dinner, but impossible to see past the dogma and actually understand each other. It’s becoming one more partisan talking point where we seem more interested in appearing loyal to our tribe than in pursuing truth and benefiting humanity. It’s common to have mixed feelings of concern and excitement about AI, but that’s not how we show up to talk about it.

I’m the same, and as a software engineer, I’m torn across tribes, so I have to code-switch when I move in and out of professional settings. I end up picking my words carefully when I talk about AI with professionals because I’m afraid of losing career opportunities. I often hold my tongue or tiptoe with family and friends to avoid ruffling any feathers, even though it’s constantly on my mind and I think it’s one of the most important topics of our age.

We’re not having honest conversations about AI, acknowledging both the benefits and the risks, and we are losing control of our future. We can’t steer ourselves towards the utopia and away from the apocalypse if we can’t even see them for real possibilities. It’ll just be dumb luck that decides if we crash into the iceberg or not.

What has your experience been with navigating conversations around AI? Even writing about this I have to constantly stop myself from hedging about it. I can’t unpack it all in one post precisely because there are so many nuanced details and real possibilities. If you see both positive and negative outcomes, or even if you feel loyal to one tribe, do you feel safe admitting it? I’ll do my best to keep writing and sharing insights and struggles from what I see in both tribes, and I hope you’ll join me.

Subscribe now